ANN7 – Who Says News Isn’t a Laughing Matter? Part 1

ANN7 - The circus begins

ANN7 – The circus begins

Unfortunately, all the epic comic skits done by ANN7 have been taken off the internet (Read here). In this two-part report mixed with some very good and bad jokes, Matt “the Rat” Mkhize gives us the down low on the latest news channel to hit South African shores by storm. Its been an absolute pleasure to welcome ANN7 to our continent…

What do you get when you combine a whole lot of Gupta money and drop dead gorgeous models who can’t read? (drum roll please)… A 24 hour news channel called ANN7.

Yep, it’s no joke! South Africa has yet another 24 hour news channel – the second in less than a month after the SABC recently launched their own. After watching just a little bit of “Gupta News”, well I have to take back all my negative rants about the SABC and especially the eNews channel for ANN7 takes incompetent to a whole new level.

Everyone seems to be taking the ANN7 crew very seriously

Everyone seems to be taking the ANN7 crew very seriously. We’re excited.

ANN7 (I have no idea what that stands for) is a comic writer’s manna from heaven! It couldn’t be scripted any better – even the Njejust crew is nervously watching to find out if ANN7 is going to take the throne as South Africa first Comical 24 Hour News Channel.

The news channel has experienced a never ending series of bloopers and errors, for example;

  1. There’s the one where the news anchor repeats exactly the same piece of news, word for word, twice in quick succession.
  2.  Then there’s the one where the news anchor announces that racing driver “Louise” Hamilton has won the “Grand Pricks” even though Red Bull’s Sebastian Vettel had just won the race and “Louise” was actually third.
  3. This is followed by the weather girl moving on to “the mother city, Johannesburg”.
  4. Then the burst of awkwardness, when two female sports anchors are left stranded by a misfiring autocue.
  5. On Sunday, the sport’s presenter’s mic was left on and the panicked sports anchor was clearly audible, “Where’s my script? What’s happening? Where am I going? Where am I going?” (I don’t know where you going girl but definitely not to CNN or any other top news channels)
The recruitment college for ANN7 presenters comes highly recommended

The recruitment college for ANN7 presenters comes highly recommended

My earlier statement about the channel being presented by models isn’t a comical sneer either.  The anchors are all actual models and not seasoned journalist as we would come to expect – who cares if you can’t read if you have a perky pair of tits and a firm round ass. Abigail Visagie is a model and B.Com student who recently applied to be a Top Billing presenter. Lebogang Keagile, was a part-time model and full-time air hostess before landing the news anchor role. Cleopatra Simelane trained as a “news compiler” but is also an actress and model, and a former Miss Soweto runner-up. Afrika Gola is a model. Taryn du Plooy is a model. Avumile Qongqa is a model and so on. An “insider” at ANN7 told the Sunday Times that ANN7 had hired models as news anchors because “they believe that men will enjoy watching the news when they see pretty girls”.

Word doing the rounds is that ANN7 is the 24 hour offspring of another famous news show

Word doing the rounds is that ANN7 is the 24 hour offspring of another famous news show

Tune in tomorrow for the second part of our ANN7 coverage as Matt “The Rat” finishes his coverage.

For those who still need a dosage of some good ANN7 intelligence, please feast yourself on the official response from ANN7 Page 3 girl and serious news anchor person Sheena Deenarain 

Hit us up with a response or Follow @Mr_MediaX on Twitter.


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